| you seem so out of reach.
when i grab for your hand, you slip away. then i wake up, and realize it was only a dream.
you were not beside me slowly reaching for my hand, you didn't gaze into my eyes like we were the only ones on the planet.
how can something so vivid and perfect be merely a dream.
i want this to be my reality. i want you to be here with me again.
i don't want to have to live in my dream world.
i just want everything to be okay again.
for the world to stop speeding by me, while i'm left behind in the dust.
i've found who i am, now all i need is for you to tell me you love that person i've became.
that would make my life so much more brilliant. |
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| i need someone to help me pick myself up off the ground. and hold my hand so i don't ever fall like this again. |
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| i still love him
with everything i have
but he is no longer mine.
maybe another chance.
another time in life.
but not now.
or so you say.
if only you truly knew the extent of my love for you.
maybe then you would understand.
or maybe you do.
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| Should I allow myself to keep holding on to this false hope that I've been grasping with all my strength since the day I lost you?
Continue putting my life on hold, living in that dream world where I'm still holding your hand.
Keep building that wall up to block out reality, living in your arms daily, falling asleep and dreaming of your face.
But none of it is real. Am I even real anymore? Did I fade away with the dream of me and you?
Let me in on your secret..you think this is pathetic don't you? I know. I guess it is. But how can I stop when to do that my heart would have to cease beating. How do you just let go? Maybe you were never truly mine in the first place.
But somehow, even if that were..I would not love you any less. Reality is now just a blur of the memories with you.
Eventually, when I do finally let someone in. Maybe I'll just keep pretending it's you in his place, your hand in mine, your eyes stareing into mine. In my mind..
You will forever be mine.
You will always be with me in my heart. Inside, his face will morph into yours, and I will learn to love the fake life that I will someday lead. Wishing I could hold you in my arms always. |
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| i wonder if he knows that he will forever have my heart?
that i am incomplete without him to lift me off the ground.
that i am a no one until he comes and holds my hand to make me myself again.
i will never let go of it.
i will hold on to the last of it until i wither away in it's shadow.
jeez.
i need some drugs.
why do i always fear that i am never doing anything right. like i'm walking around screwing up everyone's lives while in the process doing the same for my own pathetic excuse for a life. maybe i should crawl into a cave. wouldn't everyone else be better off?
of course.
i should probably start taking my medicine like i should. my mom took it last night and now she has to give it to me like i'm a fucking little kid or something. i guess it's for the best though.
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